Some of you may laugh at me, but I never imagined how difficult being a mother would be. It's even worse when you feel completely alone. Her cries are so frustrating, she eats constantly and I am so totally exhausted even when I get a full nights sleep. I dread her waking up 'cause that means I actually have to take care of her. There are so many theories about what I should and shouldn't be doing, but all I know is that anything is insanely difficult to do by yourself. She bathes every other night, I change her diaper and feed her, but I can't do much more than that. Keeping her entertained, giving her tummy time, working on what is a good sleep time, getting her to stop crying... all things that drive me crazy. I'm so exhausted that I just wish there was a time I didn't have to worry about her. Danny's only been gone a few days and wish he wouldn't have had to leave at all.
Well, I was hoping to get a quick nap, but I think she is waking up. Ugh. It never ends.
BTW, update on the appointment I had Tuesday... The doctor gave me a prescription for Zoloft, but I don't want to take it. I am still trying to decide and have a follow up appointment next Friday. I have a lot of conflicting feelings and different opinions from everyone. The hardest thing for me is Danny thinking I don't need it as I value his opinion the most. Of course he isn't here and not able to see how I handle things day to day.
I gotta go. Melanie is waking up and will want to eat.
Lori, if there is anything I can do for you, please talk to me anytime :) I'm proud of you.
ReplyDeleteLori, I'm so so so sorry you're having a hard time, but you're doing great! If you feel you need the medication, take it! Only you know what's best and no one else but you knows how you're handling things. If you take it and it doesn't make a difference, then you can stop, but it's worth a shot right?
ReplyDeleteWelcome to motherhood.
ReplyDeleteIt is difficult and I can't imagine having to do it all alone at the first two weeks. You're still recovering physically from all the trauma of childbirth plus surgery.
It takes a while to form new habits; you will find your rhythm in the next few weeks.
I'm glad to hear Danny in coming home soon.
Love and prayers,
Gramma T
Motherhood ~ the hardest job you'll ever love.
ReplyDeleteMy niece, Aimee, who was in the military before marriage, said after her first baby, "It's much harder than boot camp!"
My heart is with you.
Gramma T
And you know if there's anything we can do, all you have to do is say so. Debbie Schultz has offered to do some research to see if there's some way I can take family emergency leave to get back over there w/o losing my job. Frankly though, family means more to me than any job ever could, so no matter what, you need me, I'm there.
ReplyDeleteIn the meantime, take a deep breath, sit back and close your eyes. Remember finding your happy place! It's hard to do with Baby Girl crying, I know, so strap her in her papasan, tote her upstairs, put her in the nursery and close the door. She'll be just fine for a little while.
This doesn't help at all, I know, but Melanie's daddy ate every hour and 20 minutes for about the first 6 weeks of his life. She's small and needs a lot to grow. Soon enough she'll be chowing on Happy Meals at McDonald's and all this will be a distant memory, promise!
And I agree with what Shannon said. If you feel you need the Zoloft and the dr. prescribed it, try it. If Danny were there to help or even just see how difficult it is, I'm sure he'd agree. When he was a year old, I had to leave for a week to train for a new job. When I got back, his father FINALLY admitted taking care of a baby singlehandedly was difficult. And Danny was sleeping through the night by then! Until they deal with it, guys will NEVER understand.
Hang in there, and please, please, please, just ask for help and someone will be there. Kana's only a little way away, and I'm just a flight away.
Love and miss all of you!
XXOOX
Dear Lori,
ReplyDeleteListen to the doctors,if you need help GET IT. Put everything else aside and take care of Melanie. She really doesn't need to be played with just hold her and talk to her. Babies are very tiring especially when you are a new Mother.
You will survive.
Love and hugs to you both,
Grandma