So, I am getting used to Danny being home then gone then home again. Obviously that is the name of the game when you're married to the military. He was gone for two weeks and after the first few hours I was fine. Lately when he was gone last weekend or tonight when he had shore patrol I have been completely useless. I stay in bed until 10 am even though I went to bed at 9 and I get nothing accomplished during the day. I didn't fold the laundry (from yesterday) , I didn't do the dishes (also from yesterday), I didn't take a shower, get dressed until two, check the mail, go to the elementary school to check on the job, eat lunch, make the bed, or even go outside. I watched tv, check my email, and completely wasted my day. When I check my email and don't have anything new, I cry about it for 10 minutes. When Danny called me to say hi and I tried to explain how I felt, I cried.
When Danny is coming home at night, I am fine. I get everything done-eventually. I did the laundry, cleaned the bathroom, did the dishes before I made a dinner that was not out of a box. I even worked out and took a shower. I even left the house to check the mail (I got the stuff from you, Tracy, and I love the picture of Danny you sent. It worked perfect in that little frame) and buy a few groceries I need for dinner.
I feel completely unmotivated and emotionally drained. I care very little about anything. If I don't want to do something I don't even if it needs to get done. Except for a little stress last night and a small lack of motivation at the end of the day, the day ended on a good note and I was fairly happy. I feel like such a waste of time and space since I accomplish nothing and I have no reason to get anything done. I know it would make me feel better if I actually did something but I don't care.
Tell me whats wrong with me. I need a psychiatrist, don't I? No, I'm not pregnant, so don't even suggest it. I wish someone could help, but I feel pretty helpless sometimes.
Sounds like you are lonesome, homesick and a little depressed. I would say that is pretty normal under the circumstances.Don't let it get to you, you are ajusting to a new life, you will be fine. If you don't feel like doing the dishes etc., forget them, it's no big deal. Indulge youself, get a good book and don't get dressed or clean the house, just stay in bed. If you get to depressed go get some medical help, try not to worry Danny if you can help it. Maybe Tracy has some alone and lonely suggestions.Your Dad will be here for dinner tomorrow night maybe he can call. Things are just catching up with you and you are probably a little frightened about being so alone. You need seven roommates again, there was never a dull moment then.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you,
Gram (I to wish you were here, Brownstone barfed on the rug and I had to clean the whole rug and the rug cleaner broke down!, like I said, wish you were here).
Thanks for the advice and consulation. It is good just to hear from people and know that someone cares. There are other wives around here, but sometimes it takes a lot of energy to talk to them, especially when I don't know them very well. One is pregnant too, so no all night drinking for her. :)
ReplyDeleteI am looking for a job. I am going to the elementary school after their lunch and check on the position. I talked to Kana for almost 4 hours last night and she has been working so hard to find english education schools around our house. She has already given me about 5 websites, so I am really excited to check them out.
It definitely is a change over here, especially considering where I was last year. I wish I had all my roommates again. Danny is a great "roommate" but he is gone a lot so I do get terribly lonely. Plus, I rarely get email or talk to anyone else, so that doesn't help.
Grandma, what makes you think I wanna help clean up dog barf? It is really funny that your screen name is brownstone then you said brownstone barfed on the carpet. Just one of those weird things I thought about. Like my dad said, it is better than Blackie... :)
I'd love to go "comfort shop" but because I don't have a job and am flying to Hong Kong in two months, I have no money. Last time I was shopping I bought christmas gifts for you two and nothing for myself. I was actually very proud of myself for that. My money disappears very quickly here. I love Japan and everything is expensive.
Getting tired of typing although I have so much to say. I'll keep everyone updated on how I am doing.
I'd love to talk to my dad or anyone, even if just for a few minutes.
Never thought about the Brownstone thing, glad it made you laugh. laughter can cure anything.
ReplyDeleteThanks Tracy for some good suggestions.
Thank god for Kana, i love her too!
Gram